Today I feel like being negative.

This is not the final outcome. But today I feel negative about a lot of things. More than likely I'll be moving in a few months. That was part of the deal when me and my Joel started this thing. But of course I like him too much now. Now that I know how difficult it can be to find someone you like this much who also likes you it makes it hard for me to think about leaving him now. But it's really the only sane thing to do for financial reasons, long term career reasons, duties as a mother reasons. But still part of me wants to do whatever I can to make the thing work.

But then I feel all this pressure, self-imposed to be sure, to be harder to get. I shouldn't have my mind so made up already. Silly, silly girl. I'm upset with myself for falling in love too quickly. So I'm making a conscious decision to pull back. It's also the only sane thing to do. It's a strategy issue. I need to protect myself. And the only way to progress with the relationship is if I let him be the one leading it. I know all this.

But still my little heart kind of hurts today.